The Hugger's Guide: Hugs and Their Origins
The Poster Child Hug: First observed by me as Colorado's Easter Seal Poster Child, at age three, continues today. Usually given by a perfect stranger and accompanied by the phrase, "Oh, you're SO brave! I admire you very much." or such like. Usually given as if the person is afraid to catch whatever the receiver has.
The Exit Hug: Named so because its most frequent occurrence is after Church, as the pastoral greeting line passes my parking spot. Sweet older women pull my upper half over my left armrest, smash my face against their blouse buttons, and continue on their way without helping me right myself.
The Whirlwind Hug: The giver is in a hurry, and doesn't give me time to move my control, or even turn it off, so we move backwards or sideways rather rapidly.
The Neckbreaker Hug: The giver aims from BEHIND, causing me to crane my neck in order to see them.
The Final Hug: Given as a last or long term good-bye, in such a way that makes me to wish it were the first.
The Pickup Hug: Not advisable in my case, unless you want to wrench your back.
The Standing Hug: Not impossible, but again not advisable.
The Shoulders Up Hug: Your best bet, if you truly desire to go by the book. Let me move my control. Kneel or sit in front of me, if you wish, as that makes you easier to reach. Other than that, don't worry about breaking me in half, and LET ME HUG YOU BACK!